#HappyBirthdayAmerica

This morning I dusted off my run shoes and joined Black Girls Run! on the annual 4th of July Ben Franklin Bridge run.  Since I started running in 2011 the activity has become a time of solace and reflection for me.  As I made the 6:30 am trek to Camden with my momma, Janelle Monae’s “Crazy Classic Life” blared through my 2008 Ford Focus car radio.

“You told us, We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

As I ran from New Jersey to Philadelphia, the birthplace of America, these iconic words from the Declaration of Independence rang in my ears.  Now I ain’t gonna lie, I haven’t read through this governing document since 8th-grade civics, and when I got home I felt compelled to refresh my hazy memory with a set of adult eyes.  From my perspective as a descendant of the African diaspora, a woman, a masters student at the University of Pennsylvania, an activist with the NAACP, and most of all an American citizen I wrote a letter, that turned into an examination, that ended up a MANIFESTO to my beloved country.  America, I love you, I have been betrayed by you, but I still believe in you.  Happy Birthday!


Dear America,

Happy Birthday!
242 years behind the mask of freedom and you have never looked so ugly.

The Declaration of Independence you signed on this day, the 4th of July, echoes the injustices you impose on we the people of these United States. As you longed for independence from your British ruler you have turned into a reflection of your oppressor.  America, you have betrayed your citizens and yourself. Convinced yourself you are something you have never been and elected a President whose character is marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.  America, you are committing tyranny against your own citizens.

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

You, America, have refused to Assent GUN CONTROL Laws that are wholesome and necessary for the public good.

You have discouraged your Governors from passing sensible IMMIGRATION Laws of immediate and pressing importance unless suspended in their operation till the Assent of a WALL should be obtained; and when so suspended, you have utterly neglected to attend to them.

You have refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of meaningful representation in the legislature FOR GUAM, PUERTO RICO, U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS AND OTHER TERRITORIES while continuing to occupy their native lands with military forces and collecting MEDICARE and SOCIAL SECURITY TAXES for which they can only collect conditionally.

You have called together legislative bodies for VOTE and SUPPORTED FILIBUSTERING for the sole purpose of fatiguing REPRESENTATIVES into compliance with PARTY measures.

America, You have repeatedly proposed to dissolve Representative Departments such as the ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY (EPA) for opposing with manly firmness, invasions on the ENVIRONMENTAL rights of the people.

The proposal, after attempted dissolutions, cause PARTISAN REPRESENTATIVES TO DISPUTE the HALLS OF ACADEMIA at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the meantime IN LIMBO ON THE EXISTENCE OF CONCEPTS LIKE CLIMATE CHANGE exposed to all the dangers of AN UNSUSTAINABLE FUTURE.

You have endeavored to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners AND DEPORTING TAX PAYING MIGRANTS THROUGH THE ENDING OF DACA; refusing to pass other laws to encourage their migrations hither.

You have obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing TO ACKNOWLEDGE Laws for establishing SUPREME Judiciary powers.

You have INTIMIDATED CABINET MEMBERS on your Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

America, You have erected a multitude of New Offices, INCLUDING THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY (NSA), THE TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION (TSA), HOMELAND SECURITY AND IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT (ICE), and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people.

You have kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES.

You have affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power through the UNIFORM CODE OF MILITARY JUSTICE.

You have COLLUDED with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign and unacknowledged by our laws; giving your Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering MILITARIZED POLICE FORCES among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States: [verbatim]

For imposing extreme TARIFFS on our allies:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: [verbatim]

For FUELING THE PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX  by depriving AND DELAYING us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us TO FACILITIES DOMESTICALLY and beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offenses

For ALLOWING GERRYMANDERING and establishing therein Arbitrary DISTRICT LINES, enlarging DISPROPORTIONATE Boundaries so as to render it at once an example OF THE PEOPLE:

For ATTEMPTING TO abolish AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ONE OF OUR most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For SUPERSEDING our own POPULAR VOTE, and declaring THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE invested with power to legislate for us.

You have failed TO EMBRACE ACCEPTANCE here, by waging War against us FOR OUR INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES, VIEWS, AND PERSPECTIVES.

You have ravaged our Coasts IN PURSUIT OF OIL, burnt our towns WITH YOUR HATE, and destroyed the lives of your OWN people WITH SHALLOW PROMISES OF EQUALITY.

You America, are, at this time transporting AND DISPATCHING large Armies of foreign AND DOMESTIC Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and unworthy the TITLE of a civilized nation.

You have constrained our fellow Citizens to bear Arms against their OWN Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

America, You have excited divisiveness amongst us, and endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our beloved but stolen frontiers, the merciless descendants of Colonial Savages, whose known rule of domestic warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of our melting pot of nationalities and religions. You have fractured the spirits in Americans of all ages, all races, all socio-economic statuses, all sexes, genders identifications, abilities, and conditions.

You should be ashamed of yourself America

The land of the free? When was the last time you examined the principles on which you were founded?  When was the last time you were critical of the government we the people have consented to be governed by?

We are disappointed in you, but in the name of liberty and justice, we know hope and change were not lost in 2016. We, your people, still hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. I stand here as a product of your dream with the right and duty to alter or abolish any Form of Government that becomes destructive of these ends.

This is my manifesto, our manifesto, the 2018 American manifesto of your people. You are the home of the brave.  We acknowledge our predisposition to suffer while evils are sufferable but on this July 4th, 2018 we mutually stand in our truth of compliancy, commit to active citizenship and pledge allegiance to the Flag of OUR United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, ONE nation, under OUR INDIVIDUALLY CHOSEN God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for ALL!

#OurUnitedStates2018

Signed your faithful citizens (add your signature with a comment below),

Samantha E. Whitfield - Willingboro, New Jersey

SETTLING FOR THE SAKE OF SETTLING DOWN

Soooooo... One of my very good friends, Mrs. Mama, (you could even call her my sister) and I were preparing for her graduation party (finally... 4 months after the actual graduation). I met Mrs. Mama through my sister and our relationship really blossomed since then. We're about the same age and have pretty similar personalities. Only difference is that our lives are at two completely places right now. As you know I'm a single still living at home and stuck in a dead end job at Feminist Inc. that I halfway hate. On the other hand, Mrs. Mama is married and lives in a 4 bedroom house with her amazing husband and 2 great kids. Oh and did I mention (you guessed it) she's a stay at home mom! Other than these major differences in our lives we always have great conversation and can talk to each other about anything.

On to the real story... I'm standing in the kitchen (after we took the baby back up to bed after taking his diaper off and coming downstairs to see what we were doing) preparing a delicious pasta salad for the shindig the following day when our conversation took an unexpected turn


Mrs. Mama: So... When are you going to settle down"


(To which I dumbfoundedly replied)


Me: What do you mean by that?


Mrs. Mama: Well, I know you been dating a lot and I don't want you to be too busy with


so many guys that you miss out on a good one.


Me: Really Mrs. Mama who the hell am I gonna settle down with... are you serious!


Mrs Mama: Yea... I'm just saying it would be cool for us to do couple things together.


Me: Well when I find someone to settle down with... I will! Until then... You're stuck with just me.


Can you say Awkward!!! Uhhhhh... Just a little! But it did make me think and do some things that I shouldn't have, like contact an old flame. Now, although I don't talk to him often, when we do talk it always goes back to the same old "I still care about you and I hope we get back together" conversation that I've heard (and been a part of) one too many times. After that conversation a bunch of random thoughts went through my head such as:

• Our relationship wasn't bad



• We did look really cute together



• Our kids would be cute



• I guess I could support him for a little while longer



• His smoking isn't that bad and my parents smoke so I can deal with it

At that point my sassy side punched my fairytale side square in the face and I came back to reality. But it did make me think... society tells us that a woman of my age (a very young 26) should be "settling down". Not saying that I'm not ready to settle down... But is it time for me to think about just plain settling already? Are my expectations for a potential mate too high? As you know I have been dating a lot lately. Making changes in the line-up almost daily. Lunch with this one, texting that one, hanging out with the other one, all this is starting to get old ! I've even been stepping wayyyyy outside my box just to see if there was anything that I might be missing. Guys wayyy too squishy, wayyy too young, wayyy too much hair, wayyy too busy, wayyy too weird. I can go on and on and on and on... you get the point! I'm talking all over the world map (not just the U.S.) but I think all this is to make up one ideal guy.

All these guys I see for one reason or another but none of them are at all the total package. Some I have great connection and conversation with but not at all attracted to or who i see myself with. Some are super smokin' HOT but are as dumb as a bag of rocks. While others are so incredibly intelligent but are so awkward and weird it makes me want to shoot myself in the head! In any case I guess my hunt for suitable time filler continues because looking for Mr. Right is asking too much.

Moral of the story: I refuse to settle for the sake of settling down!!!

I'M WAYYY TOO CUTE FOR THAT!!

FEAR OF FLYING

Sooooo.......... I am currently preparing to fly to Winterpark, Florida to see my brother graduate. The closer it nears to my 6 a.m. flight the more nervous I am getting about boarding. It has been about 5 yrs. since the last time I was a passenger on one of these massive winged transportation devices and I do not recall any anxiety then so what the hell is up with this now. I have no reason to be anxious. I have a flight buddy who I trust, a good book, and my DSi for when that is just not cutting it. I'm sure i will be fine... but on to what is really bothering me...

In recent days, I can also say that this topic applies to my new hobby. It's been a couple of months since I've really gotten into it and although I was still into quite deep into my quest last week the newness is now starting to wear off. I know it's weird but even after all of the measures i took to protect my heart in my endeavors, one of the guys in "The Line-Up" seems to be chipping away at the precautionary concrete shell that i had constructed. Which made me think...

• Could my initial mega indulgence into the global pastime of dating be attributed to my fear of emotional flying?

• Have I gotten so used to my constant state of faux "great" that actually feeling a real live emotion scares the shit out of me?

• Is my sudden jitters about flying be somehow linked to me being so emotionally grounded?

• What is making me so leery about letting go of control and just feeling anyway?

I'm probably wwwwaaayyyyy to into my head about this, but I can say that it is nice to have a gentle flutter of the heart again. Guess I have some things to think about on the flight.

I leave you with a song. Lets hope i make it back and don't end up in that awful afterlife place with all of the self's LOL!

PAMPERED WHAT?????

Soooooo...... One of the girls from work invited me to a Pampered Chef party that she was having at her house. For those of you who don't know what Pampered Chef is... it is on the lines of Tupperware. They sell cookware and other kitchen stuff. Mostly middle aged women throw and go to this type if thing but yes i felt like i had to go!

I had a late night at Feminist Inc. (as usual) and didn't leave the office till about 8 p.m. so of course i was late. As expected the presentation of this exquisite tremendously overpriced kitchenware was well under way and here i come ringing the doorbell and barreling in the front door like an animal. Seriously, all of the grace and poise that i usually possess must have shut off when i rang the bell. Luckily i wasn't the only late one and i brought another woman in with me.

As I am trying to get settled surrounded by middle-aged onlookers, put my stuff down, give the host my coat so she can get out of the middle of the floor, and take a seat...... My phone rings!!!! It couldn't be just a "Beep Beep" text message tone NOOOOOO!!! It was a total "someone is calling, pick up the phone, volume on 10" ring! The only thing that saved what little dignity i had left was that it was one of the stock ring tones, and not "the thong song" ringer or "How low can you go".

OK... so no I'm finally all put together, stopped the phone, sitting in a chair catalogue in hand listening seemingly very interested in what PC Lady is selling when she ask the very question that i hoped that i had missed. "So ladies can you introduce yourselves and tell us your favorite PC product?" I wanted to die at this point! Here is how the scene played out:

OTHER LADY: Hi! My name is Soccer Mom and my favorite product is the ice cream scoop!

PC LADY: That's great! We always have someone who likes that and tonight we didn't, but you just weren't here yet! Welcome! And you? (Motioning in my direction)

ME: Sure. Well my name is Sam and i don't really have a favorite product.

PC LADY: Really Why?

ME: Well I'm still at home and i don't so most of the cooking.

PC LADY: oh ok you're lucky

ME: Yep... Lucky!

(You would think she would just leave it at that right... no not at all)

PC LADY: Well is there something that your mom uses that you really like?

INTERJECTION FROM CO-WORKER HOST: Her dad does a lot of the cooking.

PC LADY: Wow i wish my husband cooked (of course this was followed by co-signs and head nods from the soccer moms and Suzie homemakers around me.) Is there something of his you like then.

(By this point i was so done, and clearly the only single woman who was still living with her parents in the room. All i could say was...)

ME: Nope

PC LADY: ok then well welcome I'm sure you'll find something tonight!

Yea... can you say embarrassing! Why did i feel like i had to go? Realistically, i have absolutely no need for that stuff. Like i said, yes, i am a 25 yr old single woman who still lives at home with her parents and doesn't do .a lot of the cooking! Pampered Chef kitchenware is not really on my list of needs. Needless to say, i ended up spending $50 on an ice bucket wit a scoop and a drink pitcher. UGHHHHH!

I THINK THE STICK SKIPPED ME

Soooo.... I always hear people say "I got the short end of the stick". Usually i can agree with them and say "Wow! Yea you did... Sucks to be you." But I think this time I didn't even get the short end. I didn't get any end of the stick. I didn't even have the opportunity to touch the stick. In recent days i have found that the stick just skipped right over me as it ALWAYS does!

To elaborate on the back story of my findings... I am the 2nd of 4 children. No, I don't have middle child syndrome or anything like that. I think I was treated pretty fairly by my folks throughout my life thus far. But, I have always been the responsible one. Not because I had to... just because I was. Sure... I have had many opportunities to make questionable, unrealistic and stupid decisions but I have always taken a look down the road to see how my choices would pan out in the long run. Not saying that this is a bad thing or a good thing its just something I've been doing for as long as i can remember.

Let me put it this way. In college i studied Sociology as my major with a minor in Theater. Not saying that this couldn't be the other way around but i wanted to have a strong versatile foundation that would make me eligible for many jobs that would ensure me a steady paycheck (because i like money... and i especially like having it in my bank account or physical possession). Any way my siblings were not as logical thinkers majoring in FINE ARTS, DANCE, and VIDEO GAMES! Yes! I will admit all three of these majors are cool as hell! But logical.... i'ma have to go with "NOT AT ALL" and YES that is my final answer!

On to the situation at hand.... and my side commentary!!!
A: Grandmom is moving to Jersey. Yay... for her!
B: Grandmom is moving out of her very nice condo. This is expected since she can not live in 2 places at once.
C: Grandmom does not want to sell her very nice condo. Yay... for possibly ME!!!!
D: Grandmomo has paid off the entire mortgage on said very nice condo. This would add a check mark under the "Yay for possibly me" column
E: Dad thinks that one of us kids should take over Grandmom's very nice condo. I would agree with this statement
F: I am currently the only child still living at home. I would hope this would play in my favor in this situation
G: Condo fee on the very nice condo is about $350 a month. Ok now i am filling with JOY because I am financially challanged and can not afford $800+ a month for rent.
H: Dad offered said very nice condo to my brother. WOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT HAPPENED!

Is it just me....or is this some how FUCKED UP!

I thought I had this in the bag. I'm baffled. Can someone explain this to me? I'm very confused.....

You know what.... i didn't get the short end of the stick, and it didn't skip me... maybe it just didn't get to me.

STILL FUCKED UP!!!!

Thoughts?

SOMEBODY'S GOT A CASE OF THE MONDAY'S

So..... Is it possible to have a "case of the Monday's" ALL WEEK!!!!! It is almost friday and it has repeatidly felt like Monday everyday. I feel like i'm in some crazy groundhog day vortex.

I think I would have to attribute this chronic case to the lovely Monday morning all staff meeting at Feminist Inc. which was actually on Monday but somehow the tone of the meeting just shitted on the rest of my week before it even got here. I was totally prepared for the usual "numbers" this and "we are one" that. But then they dropped the bomb. In not so many words it was said "We know all of you are working so hard and committed to the mission and you think you're doing a good job... but YOU'RE NOT... and we need all of you to do better!" Then came the barrage of contradictory statements. "We know you work very hard but we want you to work smarter not harder." and "we want you to provide better customer service to your volunteers but stop going to all of these meetings with them" and finally "we know you are overworked but we're going to save some money by having you do data entry and putting you on a bunch of teams and groups and committees and sub-committees to figure out how we can fix all of our problems!"

REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

I just want this week to be over!

I HOPE I JUST GO TO HEAVEN

Sooo.... I'm finally back on the blogging wagon. But, I don't think it matters if I blog on a daily basis or not because I don't think anyone reads this. Anyway on to the story that preceded wire tap on NPR.

The story was actually a short story called "Subjunctive" by David Eagleman. It starts off with this line:

"In the afterlife you are judged not against other people, but against yourself.
Specifically, you are judged against what you could have been."

On my way home from a usual, ridiculously long day of work at Feminist Inc. I had no choice to ponder this point. It made me think about the person that I could have been at this point. I mean after being alive for 25 yrs. so far, I could have made a ton of different choices in my life.

What if I had gone straight to a 4 yr. college instead of to Community College first.

Or if I didn't go to the Real R.U. but to one of the fake ones.

Or if I had a child by now. (which is totally possible)

Or if I decided to start a relationship, stay in a relationship, or even marry 'Sac', 'Scooby', 'Brainiac' or 'Cocoabutter'

What if i decided to embark on a serious acting career (I mean, I was good at it).

Or if I didn't take this dead end job with Feminist Inc.

How different would I be? Would I be a better or worse person? I think that at this point in my life I am at a good spot. I am happy with myself. But, there are always the what ifs?

The story goes on to say that the after life is much like this life. Just filled with alternate yous. Better yous, Worse yous, and then there is the actual you living with all of these versions of yourself. For me, I think I just might have to kill myself again. Hopefully I'll make it to heaven or at least a better afterlife. But, with that what if I landed myself in a worse afterlife? Should I take my chances with this one?

I don't know if I could deal with the other me's. I don't know if I want to know how things would have been different. I mean with the worse me's it would be great. Kind of on the "Woah... glad I made that decision" feeling. Who doesn't like the feeling of knowing that the choice you made was the right one? But on the other hand the better me's would drive me to drink... heavily!!!!! I would rather not know how good a different choice would have turned out for me. I guess it's a double edged sword. With all of this... I hope I just go to heaven!

What are your thoughts?

Listen to the story: www.cbc.ca/wiretap/index.html?copy-audio Season 6 "A Better You"
Read the story: www.bookofjoe.com/2009/02/subjunctive-by-david-eagleman.html
Get the book: "Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives" By David Eagleman

Stay Tuned!