FEAR OF FLYING

Sooooo.......... I am currently preparing to fly to Winterpark, Florida to see my brother graduate. The closer it nears to my 6 a.m. flight the more nervous I am getting about boarding. It has been about 5 yrs. since the last time I was a passenger on one of these massive winged transportation devices and I do not recall any anxiety then so what the hell is up with this now. I have no reason to be anxious. I have a flight buddy who I trust, a good book, and my DSi for when that is just not cutting it. I'm sure i will be fine... but on to what is really bothering me...

In recent days, I can also say that this topic applies to my new hobby. It's been a couple of months since I've really gotten into it and although I was still into quite deep into my quest last week the newness is now starting to wear off. I know it's weird but even after all of the measures i took to protect my heart in my endeavors, one of the guys in "The Line-Up" seems to be chipping away at the precautionary concrete shell that i had constructed. Which made me think...

• Could my initial mega indulgence into the global pastime of dating be attributed to my fear of emotional flying?

• Have I gotten so used to my constant state of faux "great" that actually feeling a real live emotion scares the shit out of me?

• Is my sudden jitters about flying be somehow linked to me being so emotionally grounded?

• What is making me so leery about letting go of control and just feeling anyway?

I'm probably wwwwaaayyyyy to into my head about this, but I can say that it is nice to have a gentle flutter of the heart again. Guess I have some things to think about on the flight.

I leave you with a song. Lets hope i make it back and don't end up in that awful afterlife place with all of the self's LOL!